Jesus, make me an Habesha.

Jesus, make me an Habesha.

Prayers I've been praying lately.

(Did that just happen?!!)

My feet long to be black with Ethiopian sand.  I want to hold hungry lost-in-the-world children in my lap.  I want to see HIV positive go negative in healing services like they talked about.  I want to hear "ferenji, money, money" and say "ow, Yesus" and "teacher, grade 3" with taps and tugs on the arm.  I ache in missing them.

I want to pour and spill out all that's in me and be desperate for more.  I want bibles they can read to fly out of my hands into hearts into other hands and other hearts.  I want to learn how to make soccer balls out of socks and find the socks to make them. 

I want to drink straight from the coffee bean hand ground coffee and tea from cups that have never seen American soap and perhaps not the cleanest water and eat popcorn that may or may not be crawling with roaches because its what they have and it would offend not to.  I want to go shopping, lots and lots of shopping.  I want to feel like I'm doing something.

I want to hear the Muslim call to prayer and pray to my God, the God of Israel, as if I am the only one and perhaps feel threatened (heightened awareness) but stand firm and still standing.  I want to miss you and you miss me.  I want to miss your voice knowing I know it.  I want to take you with me.  I want to fight for Joy.  I want to see that boy ride that donkey as if Christ Himself were coming for me.

I want my heart to break, to spill out as jello, to soften, to numb, to feel nothing which means steady, to come to that soul cry of broken before the God of Jacob, Holy Jehovah, who holds every heart and soul together, and my heart to hurt that bad for the lost.  I want my Leader in it.  I want to do something about it. 

I want to come back a little less normal than I was before and have every right to be with the craziest of Alice in Wonderlands from big to small to nothing - from having a bed to a make shift bag.  I want to be angry, righteous angry, call out greed for what it is, not get stuck judging and love again. 

More than all I want to saturate His presence.  I want His nations on their face before Him.  The One who took first world, third world, and world world and deems it as holy. 

Jesus, let your will be done and have your way in my life.