It matters.

Wrote this last night around midnight. Still need time with Jesus on it...

___________

Tonight is one of those late night moments I wish my Dad was still here to comb my hair before bed and we could talk late at night. Things I would ask him in his wisdom:

1. Why do we have people talk about how poor they are when they have every hair on their head and there are kids losing theirs and we go on as if that missionary picture didn't matter, as if sponsorships or doing something about it is an inconvenience?

2. Why are we so bible illiterate when we are literate? And there are people who die for carrying one who can't read it (never taught how in their own language) yet they treat it as pure gold?

3. How do I not get bored on Sunday mornings and keep the fire aflame when everything in me wants to puke in our safe, secure and taken for granted worship?

He would tell me to get him a pop as he repositioned himself on the couch (this is him going to his Leader), and he would pull me close. He would tell me not to let the sun go down on my anger when it comes to my frustrations.

This is how sideview mirrors come off cars when trash cans get in the way. Stupid trash cans.

But Dad isn't here.

Ten years later and I'm flying to Africa on a one way ticket - not yet fully funded but fully provided for - and why, why does it matter so much?  The Gospel.  And...

These kids are me.

I get it, and I get them as the loss of my Dad is a part of my story, so send me out.

And sometimes missionaries lose it.

Neither one of us would be sure to have all the answers.

But I trust Jesus. I know the One in whom I trust, and we will get the answers to the crazy and unbelievable and __________ on the other side.  Rev. 21:4.

Sincerely, your unshakeable rebel missionary who does not want to be called "precious" right now but she is anyway. ;)

Moments of Surrender

What does surrender look like?

It's like crash dummy testing.  You hit brick wall after brick wall...until finally the dummy gets out of the car and says "I'm done."

I think we expect a new body in those moments...but the new body is what awaits us.

There are just less walls.